Expert Author Susan Leigh
We often hear people complain about the negative traits that they have witnessed in their parents. They may say that they hope that they do not end up like their parents or make the same mistakes with their own children that their parents made with them. But, in truth, many people do a wonderful job in raising their children and there are many desirable characteristics that their children would be fortunate to inherit.
- Family values include many desirable qualities. Respect for each other, whatever age, skill, ability a person has, they all deserve to be respected and treated with consideration. A family often includes a mixture of people with different needs, tastes, requirements, all having to learn to co-exist as harmoniously as possible. Negotiation and compromise are key elements learned first hand from living in a family environment. Consideration for old and young people, taking the time with people to listen to them and have a conversation, sometimes having to tolerate each others eccentricities, putting our own needs on hold on occasion, are all valuable lessons that are learned as an automatic part of being in a family.
- Being able to give and receive love is a important quality. Being comfortable demonstrating love and affection, feeling safe and secure in ones ability to trust ones emotions enough to be vulnerable and know that it is okay. And being confident enough to receive love, feeling worthy and staying receptive and open to it. Knowing that sometimes love is hard to give when a person is behaving badly towards us, but also learning that we can love someone even when we do not like their behaviour.
- Communication skills. Being able to talk about ones feelings and discuss them in calm and open way. Or sometimes experiencing the fighting, anger and shouting of sibling rivalry and working through it. Learning that the things said at those times do not have to be permanently damaging and can be recovered from. Being able to listen to another person without taking things personally or becoming defensive and shutting down.
- A sense of worth. Feeling valued, unique and special and also appreciating others qualities and uniqueness too. Understanding that we should be accepted for what and who we are, just as we are able to value and respect others too.
- The ability to create a safe and secure home, a place of refuge, calm and comfort. Valuing our own space and respecting it and ourselves enough to invest it with our possessions and personality. Home making is often about the little personal touches that make all the difference and turn a house into a home. Having the confidence in ones own taste and style to create a comfortable home is a positive skill learned from our own family experiences.
Our early family experiences provide us with the core values and inner sense of worth that can stay with us our entire life. Providing children with a good, sound and secure start in life gives them confidence and the self belief to be comfortable with themselves, form positive relationships with others and be true to themselves in their adult lives.
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